So apparently my phone was in a coma and didn’t die, it just woke up today and said JUST KIDDING. Asshole. But it works, I’m excited for that. The typhoon passed but everything is still closed till tomorrow and since my stomach can’t stomach another sandwich from 711 because they only sell one kind I’m going to wait till tomorrow to eat. I also realized I have tomorrow off as well due to not being scheduled in for anything, so I have nothing to do till Wednesday. I’m going to be quite poor soon. You know what I really need to do? Get a blockbuster card, it’s right around the corner and would save me grief from doing absolutely nothing when everyone is busy with work, bleh.

If all goes well it’s approx. 200 days till I’m home, its going to fly. I cannot wait to hug everyone, oh my oh my, I’m going to squeeze.

I’m cursed, my phone got flooded. I don’t think I’m meant to have a phone in Taiwan. And when I say flooded I mean literally flooded. I was unfortunately outside when the Typhoon hit so my TNA bag, my zipped TNA bag soaked a lot of water. I’m talking, 2 bottles of water at least. I was carrying water amongst my stuff which got completely drenched, including my phone which died because it drowned. RIP Phone.

I feel sad. Haha, there comes the kindy out of me. In class we go “How do you feel today, I feel happy, sad, angry etc.” Well tonight, I feel sad. I feel sad because I’m going to miss so many important things back home.

• Roslyn’s & Kumu’s big 21st parties
• Fox’s launch of which I’ve already missed
• The new addition to my family; Waffles
• My sister’s sweet sixteen
• Roslyn’s graduation
• Sunayna’s graduation

Sigh, I’m sure the list can further, I miss home. I miss family. I miss friends. I miss my life, I will never take it for granted again; well at least not for the first month back home, that I can promise.

It’s definitely been a while since I’ve touched bases, goodness I remember a few months ago where it would be a constant update and now I don’t seem to have the time but nevertheless it’s important for me to connect in some way, more for myself then anything else; it will give me something solid to look back on if ever I’m in the mood to reflect.

So let’s see, I quit my old job at Hess and am currently working for another company of which I won’t name. It’s great, I live in a dorm with other people who relatively seem like great people. Everyone is pretty much relaxed and doing their own thing around here which is always nice. The company itself seems to be filled with energetic and positive people who are genuinely willing to help. The manager is a great lady who is always ready to help and is quite attentive to her surroundings which is a plus. I’ve so far been observing various classes and have taught a class, which went down well except that they were much older then expected which left me a little intimidated. You can’t exactly be a goof and hand out stickers with teenagers since their in the whole, I hate life, I rather be sleeping and not here type of mood, I’m sure we’ve all been there. Tonight’s class is going to be much younger but the only intimidating part of this sector is that their are going to be three or fours parents in the background. The school I work for allows parents around the classroom whenever they see fit. They believe that parents should be able to come in and experience what they pay for whenever they want, if they choose to be there every class then they are more than welcome. I’m sure I’ll eventually get use to it but the first time will be nerve wracking.

My room is a shit hole, I basically got the room everyone else didn’t want so the first night I had a panic attack which left me hyperventilating because all I could see was insects around me. I mopped, cleaned, and bug sprayed the whole room and am lucky to now only see a few ants crawling here and there but I’m still paranoid and hit my skin every now and then because it feels as though something is crawling up on me. Not to mention I’m currently sleeping on a hay-mattress, think really hard board and on top a sheet of hay covered with fitting, comfortable right? I think not.

For the most part I’m happy I didn’t work on impulse and take the next flight home, this definitely gave me another opportunity to try it out. This job is definitely more relaxing then the other one so I don’t see why I would have too many problems but time will tell.

But putting aside work because that’s all I seem to be talking about lately, yesterday was two months since I’ve survived in Taiwan. Two months. Not sure about you, but it went by quickly when reflected on. About a half a year to go, it’ll fly; I can’t wait to see and hug everyone again.

Yesterday was also eight months since Markus passed away. Not a day goes by where he’s not thought of and not a day goes by where I don’t wish he was here sharing these experiences with me. But I know he’s looking down from his comfortable spot in heaven and having a ball with everything he’s watching. I’m probably his own personal soap opera. Save a spot for me up there.

I look forward to tomorrow though, I’m going over to a friends house for wine and movies. Just a chilled environment that is much needed right now. I’m sort of glad I started off at Hess it built a good base for me and a great couple of people, I don’t see that happening over here. Everyone seems to be in their own world, so now I sort of have a place to call home and friends that make Taiwan worth it, it seems to be working out great.

Going back to work which I thought I wouldn’t do but apparently I’m proving myself wrong, my boss asked me my availability for Saturday I had intentionally said I was flexible to everything even the weekends but then I thought about the things I would be missing out on when my friends decide to go do something and I can’t join because I’m working. I’m going to have to think about this, money is an asset but it can be acquired everywhere, experience and Taiwan can’t.

…Being a grown up is harder then I would have imagined and the ironic part is it just gets tougher from here because in all honesty I still have it pretty easy.

It seems the more time I have at home the more time I have to do things such as blog. I’m sure that’s going to drastically drop as soon as I get busy again. I’m excited though this week promises to endure adventures with the possibility of Wuali on the weekend! It’s this beautiful place in Taiwan that promises to be breath-taking! I’ll post pictures (on Facebook). I’m so glad I didn’t take the next plane ticket home sometimes being stubborn does have it’s perks.

Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength” – Anonymous

We all need to start believing in ourselves and our dreams, if I’ve learned anything it’s that nothing is too small or too big to attain.

My life has consisted of nothing for the past two weeks. I wish I was joking but I’m not. First the causalities at work, then the typhoon which made me stay home for a few days and now the wait to leave. Goodness. I’ve learned nothing potentially good comes without a downside so I’ve rationalized that this is a break to prepare me for a long tedious workload coming up. I can’t wait to go back to school, I will never take for granted the environment that is basically God’s gift to us but in no way, shape, or form prepares us for the real world. So with the fact that I will get into my accelerated program because my mind will not have it any other way I only have 215 days left, yes only.

So I’ve decided that I’m going to attempt to stick it out till at least April. I say April because my fingers are still crossed in hopes of getting into the Accelerated program for Social Work. But yes, despite quitting my job, the earthquake, and the typhoon I’ve decided I’m going to lug my stuff to an area an hour away from here and start all over in hopes of it working out. Although, if after I’ve given it my all and for some odd reason it still doesn’t decide to work out, which I don’t see why it wouldn’t then I’m going to call a spade for a spade and come home. One last try and you better believe I’m going to put my all into it. I want this to work for myself. I want to be able to say I did it. I want to be able to look back at my twenty-twenty first year of my life and say “yeep that was a crazy year but guess what? I overcame it, trials, tribulations and all”. Of course one of the few downfalls of that is, I continuously raid my the few people that hold a special place in my heart with the doubts in my mind but so far they have helped and stuck it through with me the best way they can.

Que Sera, Sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours to see, Que Sera, Sera. What will be, will be.

To the people who talk behind my back. To the people that air out my business as though I tell you in hopes of it being broadcasted. To the people who don’t understand the value of trust and to the people who think because they are settled they have a right to dig in and screw around, to those people I offer you a genuine, sincere, straight from the heart; fuck you.

It’s definitely been one of the more interesting weeks in Taiwan. A lot definitely went on and if I learned anything it’s that I want to continue living in Taiwan and I want to continue making a difference in a country that is a world away from home. But if anything I definitely need more time to find my feet and settle in. I am determined to do this, whether it be until May in which case I start school or whether it be till September when my contract ends.

Putting that aside though, I currently have a week to do nothing so I suppose I will be doing a lot of catching up with the important people in my life. I don’t say it in a form to offend but I’ve learned who I want in my life, who are acquaintances in my life and who are there to use me for who I am and what I offer. The downside to figuring things like that out are it’s not going to be 100% correct. I will be disappointed and hurt but I suppose that’s the process of living and learning. I do definitely understand who my best friends are, the people who won’t ever let me down or who at least will try 100% to be by my side and to those people; thank you. I will do my utmost best to give you guys back everything you’ve given me.

Besides that, there’s a typhoon going on right now which bascially means a lot of rain, a lot of wind, and a lot of staying inside. I really wish I had an interesting book to indulge in.

I really love the person I’m becoming. I’m changing, my perspectives are changing and how I view my surrounding environment. But most importantly I am changing. I’m beginning to love myself. To love myself for everything I am. For what I have to offer to the world, because I have a lot to offer. I’m starting to appreciate everything I’ve become and everything I will become. I know my strength and I know my weaknesses. I know what can make me cry and I know what can make me laugh. I know what I love and I know what I hate. For so long I waited and yearned for someone else to know, for someone else to realize and for someone else to appreciate but ironically that someone else was me. I am who I am and before I can ever allow the world to understand I need to understand, nurture, love and take care of me. When you allow yourself to love you, when you don’t allow yourself to let negative thoughts destroy you, when you look around and see all the beautiful things your missing when your head is down, you learn to love yourself. Sometimes all it takes is making a difference in a person(s) life. I love that I’m making a difference in their lives and my own. It’s a great feeling, I wish I could give it to you but I guess that’s the tricky part, we all have to find it ourselves. I can almost guarantee I will lose this feeling with time but I also promise it’s a feeling that’s so amazing that I will …find it again. I can have my head up and look the world straight ahead and I don’t believe I’ve ever felt that way in twenty-one years. I was too ashamed of me, but now I want the whole world to see who I am and what I can accomplish because in all sense of sincerity; it’s beautiful.

I don’t want to jinx myself but it seems the calmness has arrived after the storm. It was a rough few weeks leading up to the exhalation of this week. So close was I to coming home, close enough that I had a ticket ready for me; my last step was the confirmation. But I stuck it out, for no other reason than the fact that I came to far to leave so soon. It’s been rough though and  I wouldn’t be suprised if it gets that much worse before it gets better, I just have to keep reminding myself that this is not a forever thing for me. In months, I go back to where I belong so I may as well make best of these times. There has to be a reason I am here, there has to be a reason I am doing what I am doing and experiencing these moments. I just need to remember how to exhale.

I have to do exercise week next week, which is basically a whole thirty minutes of conducting an exercise routine to be followed for the next five days, am I excited? No. Saturday is dedicated to a whole day with my kindy class because we’re having a field trip with the parents and family. I’m going to have to prepare games and chants to sing on the way, am I excited? No. I want to breathe without children for a day, therefore I look forward to a short but long awaited Sunday.

In the mist of my life here in Taiwan, I’m applying to a school for their accelerated program in Social Work. I’m hoping and praying my mom open’s an acceptance letter and tells me the great news but of course, late February is years away, or so it seems.

I look forward to the week we have off, I just don’t remember which month it’s in. But mm, a week of nothing except good company and memories that don’t consist of school, beautiful.

Sometime during this week I’m going to back track and write an entry for my twenty-first birthday, I just hope I find time before October arrives.