As the years go by, the people I thought would be around are dropping like flies. In a funny way, I am grateful for the time they were around but even more grateful that they have stopped wasting my time and have found ways to exit. I cannot thank you enough.

My extensions turned out great, I’m quite excited. And I bought a new shirt, I’m great. My leg is definitely doing better, well as better as better gets when your on one foot, remain positive. Although I can’t wait till this week is over, it’s Halloween week and I don’t particularly like getting dressed. Besides all that, I’m broke. Not broke broke, but a day’s worth of spending cash leaves you a lot less..cashless.
I miss him, but that’s a whole other story of which page needs not be turned.

I’ve survived three months today. Congratulations to me.
One hundred & seventy-four days left.
I can hardly wait.

In eighty-eight days I’ve gone through:

• Racial slurs and discrimination
• Quit my former job
• Went through various mental breakdowns
• Attempted to adjust to a new country
• Booked a ticket home, canceled a ticket, booked it and canceled it
• Been in the mist of three typhoons
• One earthquake
• Had problems with my phone of which when it worked, flooded, and worked again
• Returned and bought a new laptop charger four times
• Found a new job in attempts to adjust all over again
• Came into an ant infested room of which bug spray is my best friend
• Continuously share a bathroom and shower with other females & males, and my God does it reek sometimes
• Have this horrible cough that won’t for the life of me go away
• Had an HIV scare
• Dealt with the possibility of being deported as well as doing a visa run to Hong Kong
  And when it was all starting to get better;
• Got hit by a scooter and in turn broke my leg

&& The end of all that all I have to say is: 176 more days, let the adventure continue.

She is not sexy, fine or a dime. She is beautiful and therefore encompasses all of those descriptions. She is intelligent, sassy, funny outgoing, determined, strong and classy. She can cook you a meal, or at least order you a meal. Her personality is just as beautiful as her body. She believes in God and follows his virtues. She knows that a relationship requires a 200% Quota, yet she gives you an extra 10%. She can please you mentally, sexually and spiritually. She makes you recognize your full potential as a man and completes you. She’s always there for you no matter what your dreams are. She’s not afraid to tell you the truth or set you straight. You can talk to her and confide in her, she’s your best friend. You love being around her more than your boys. You can share your most intimate moments with her without sex. You can have a bad argument with her and have the best mind numbing and passionate love making session right after. She’s always willing to find a way to work out your problems and will often take most of your shit. She’s also intelligent enough to know when it’s a wrap and leave. She’s nothing like any other girl you’ve ever met – she’s your woman.

The only bad thing about her is, that half of you men have already met her or had her in your lives, but remained to blind to see the signs. And you let her go.

Good luck finding your Mrs. Right.
-Anonymous

My dad & I. We’ve had not much of a relationship in twenty one years. I’ve probably said I love you to him, face to face, or even in any other way no more then two times. I’ve possibly hugged him no more then fifteen. But today I sat down and wrote him a heartfelt email, with every part of my soul and tears escaping, I let him into a part of me he’s never seen because he needs it.

I attempted to learn the scooter today, fell a couple of times got back up and tried again. With a few more attempts I should be okay, so we’ll see where that takes me.

Talked to a guy at my job who recently got a tattoo done in Taiwan, so I’m closer to getting inked for the last time. I’ll probably do it closer to May, but it’s nice to use that time to consider my options.

I’m definitely exhausted though, yesterday I worked a good eight hours which is exhausting when your energy level has to be up continuously since all eyes are on you. I’m proud of myself though, I let go of all insecurities and taught in front of high school students. I was terrified at first, but at the end with all my classes they loved me and I loved them. All four of my classes had a story to tell. While doing a question and answer period in my first class, where the question was “What do you bring back as souvenirs from a foreign country” The one girl shouted “CONDOMS!”, I was dumbfounded for a second, my Chinese teachers face turned as red as tomato and then I couldn’t stop laughing. My second class was small, maybe seven students but oh so smart, it was great teaching them. The best moment with them was when the boy said “My mother always tells me what to do, I don’t know how to get rid of her”, Welcome to life younging. My third class, oh my. The person at the back who had her hair done like a boy, one earring blinging on the left side of her ear, her collar popped the whole nine yards. Our discussion was on Romeo and Juilet, she even said she had a girlfriend. I assumed the whole time she was a boy until of course they had to get into groups and she was surrounded by three girls, so I said “oh you’re pimping” and she says “Teacher I’m a girl” so like most Chinese kids and their weird sense of humor I go “no your not” “yes I am” “No your not” “Yes I am, teacher I’m not lying”. Fuck. It’s a girl. Thank Godness there was only five minutes left of class. I asked my Chinese Teacher if she knew ,and she didn’t! She’s been teaching that class for four weeks. All in all she was a great girl, laughed at all my jokes, participated, it was great! Until I fucked it up with my assumption, she seemed okay with it but I feel horrifically bad, I hope she doesn’t hate me. And my fourth class was a great way to end it, I told them stories about Santa Clause, The Tooth Fairy, Bloody Mary and The Boogie Man. They didn’t know of any of these characters. We played word games of which they beat me in since it was teacher against students, and they all walked away with a smile. That’s all I can ask for since for the most part they looked miserable to be there when I first started.

Besides that, today I enrolled at the gym. I start on Tuesday, they have classes and great workout areas, looks better then a lot of gyms I’ve seen in Canada so I’m excited to begin. And for my mommy who’s probably reading this and thinking “Oh my god How much money!!” It’s only thirty dollars a month. One of my Chinese Teacher’s who’s also my first Taiwanese friend took me there and helped translate! She’s God sent. While we were getting the tour, the lady who spoke no English looked at me with this beautiful smile and said something to Viola who in turn, turns to me and said “She said your beautiful”, funny how small words can be taken so far. Viola’s helped me through a lot with being a foreigner so for her birthday and because I adore her so, I’m going to treat her to the top of Taipei 101 and dinner. She was telling me today how her father left her, her mother doesn’t work and she has to pay her way through school as well as her sisters. She couldn’t even afford a six dollar lunch meal today and opted out. It’ll make me more then glad to be able to go to Taipei 101 and share the experience with her, it was also one of the things I personally wanted to do so I hit two birds with one stone.

Oh! Also, I saw the sexiest pair of ecko shoes of which I’m going to purchase later, and I found an English bookstore in my area. Speaking of English books, I just finished reading Life of Pi and call me crazy but I pick the animals. Now I need another read, suggestions?

I think I’ve earned myself some sleep, so it’s time to hit the sack for a while to the soothing Yiruma who plays the keys on his piano so beautifully. And then I will get my fat ass up and go downstairs to finally get my fried rice and chicken. I’ve been craving it for weeks, but it always closes before I get there after work. Today will be the day I satisfy my urge, mmm.

Happy Birthday Darrell.
Wherever you are, I miss you.

If McMaster doesn’t send my transcript to Seneca asap I’m going to have to shoot someone or get my mom to call in and bitch damnit! This is important.

I’ve concluded I am getting my third and final tattoo in Taiwan, at the back of my neck. I was going to get it regardless, now I’ll just be able to say “I got it in Taiwan”.

I’m going on a mini vacation tomorrow, by mini I mean a destination five hours away from here. I’m excited! I’ll be back Saturday night and then I hope to hear from three of my favorite people.

My Ipod had a heart attack and died today. RIP Ipod. Maybe it wants to be cool like my phone and pretend it’s in a coma? Probably not. I’m having the worst luck with technology in Taiwan, ironic right? First my laptop charger, then my cellphone, then my camera, now my ipod. I think I’ve run out of things that can hit the dust, except my fan, a/c, iron, hair dryer and straightener, there scheming right now I can hear them.

My new and first Taiwanese friend of which I’m quite happy and honored to have is teaching me how to ride her scooter next week! Vroom vroom baby. What’s Taiwan without riding a scooter? Another thing I could have never seen myself doing months ago.

Oh and also, I’m joining the aerobics, yoga place near my house possibly next week. Another thing I didn’t see myself doing. I’m full of surprises aren’t I?

That’s all for my updates for now, my blogs are getting less and less entertaining. Oh well, I’ll have something “bang” worthy of typing about sooner than later. Enjoy your day !

PS. 189 days.

I feel much better when it comes to matters of the heart lately. I’m back on the positivity wagon. I’m excited, I’m suppose to get a phone call from three of my favorite people this weekend. It’s always nice, makes me feel like I’m not as far away, at least for as long as the phone card lasts.

10/10 is this weekend, which means for some reason I haven’t looked into yet we get Friday, Saturday(yes we work on Saturday’s), Sunday(which is a given) and Monday off. Am I excited? YES. I’m leaving early Friday to late Saturday on a trip to one of the beautiful side’s of Taiwan. I’m really excited. Sunday and Monday I plan to rent movies and relax in the comfort of my room with the possibility of finding a bookstore in the area.

Yesterday I applied to both social work programs, the accelerated program(which means I would be done in a year) or the regular program(which means I’d be done in two years). The earlier one of which starts in May and the regular one of which starts in Sept. Now I play the waiting game with my fingers crossed and my hopes all plunged into the accelerated program. It’d be a great reason to come home earlier.

Three more classes to teach and four wonderful days off, I can’t wait.

Lately my heart’s been opening itself up to emotions of emptiness, doubtfulness and fear. It’s as though it’s coming up for air after holding it’s breath under water for so long. I’m really good at rationalizing situations around me to the point where I can find logic or reasoning to matters of the heart enough to brush it off and continue whether it be in ignorance or not. It ties in with the whole forgiving and being “naive” aspect. I say “naive” because the majority of the time I understand the situation around me, the motivates and intentions I just choose to find my own way about it, my own way of thinking, my own way of dealing almost like my personal defense mechanism. But lately my heart has plunged to the ground. It’s as though it’s seeking answers or waiting for help that it can’t receive from me. It comes down to whether I’ll have someone to call my own someday. Someone that will see the good qualities in me as well as the flaws, will see themselves with me and will want to physically, mentally, and emotionally be with me. I know that the important people in my life all without a doubt believe I’ll find him someday but even with that there are no promises. There’s only the right here and the right now. With that being said I know in some odd way I’m being a hypocrite because if it is only about the right here and the right now then I shouldn’t be worrying about a future, questions dwelling in my mind or the fear of being alone. But it hurts. It doesn’t hurt that I’m not with someone and it doesn’t hurt that I haven’t found that someone or that someone hasn’t found me, it hurts that I let my heart sink for a reason as irrational as this. I wonder what it feels like to be in love, to completely surrender your heart without every losing a piece of you in the process. I wonder what it feels like to be in love with someone who is in love with you and reciprocates your emotions. There’s so much going through my head today, but despite it all I need to keep reminding myself that there has to be a greater good that comes from this…there has too. At least that’s what I keep telling myself, another mechanism that allows me to believe this thing my heart goes through is worth it.