03.29.09
Onehundred&sixtysix.
She is finished. She dropped her last tear today.
Process of moving on concluded – she’s so far away
From all the memories of all the things that he used to say.
She left them in the trash with the roses he bought that day.
He is back on his game by his own self-proclaimed right,
Hasn’t called her number now in three whole nights.
Besides, he made a dozen unanswered calls a day, he thinks he put up his fight.
She really Loved him, but getting what he wants elsewhere is something so light.
She has successfully hopped back on her grind.
Cold mentality is back in effect while she’s schooling and working part time.
Late calls with new voices and nights-out keep her occupied.
She’s too grown for his bullshit anyways, he the farthest thing from her mind.
He doesn’t have to worry about her anymore.
No excess relationship weight to make his shoulders sore.
Now he’s free to do whatever with whoever, just like before.
Spent too long dropping only her panties over and over on the floor.
She gets off on how she independent she is,
Doesn’t have that immature fool always up in her business.
Now dudes find her self-sovereignty so attractive, so solid now that she isn’t his.
Life really tastes so much sweeter when it has a little fizz.
He is the same way he was at the very start.
After a while it doesn’t matter that he jack-knifed her heart.
Not like he has to deal with it while living so far apart
And he’s already checked off her name on his to-do chart.
She is ashamed of all the time that she spent
But she doesn’t bother spending any more on him to repent.
Deleted every last text message that he ever sent –
Remembered each one and desaturated herself of all the things he never meant.
He is eager and ready for the next,
Doesn’t think twice about her half the time because now she’s just an ex.
Looks back on it and smirks because it was some really good sex.
Fails to realize the gravity of what he has wrecked.
She has started something completely new,
But that will never change all the hurt that he put her through.
Some days she gets so caught up in how nothing he promised came true
And she wonders if he ever misses all the good they had too…
He is a player but a pretty boy is what he shows.
He’s still young so he isn’t settling down – that for sure she painfully knows.
Life’s short so play hard and stick hard, she messed up his flow.
The only time he’ll love them is when – well, you know how the song goes.
She thinks about him and just shakes her head.
When he comes up in conversation she wishes he would drop dead
Because she hates recalling all the fake sweet things that he said.
She knows she’ll never find someone to hold her the same way he did in bed.
He walks with a boulder on his shoulder – way too much pride.
She knows he’d choke if he had to swallow it, that’s why love died
But he doesn’t care enough to see how much it had hurt her inside.
He’ll never find love like that again if he searches the whole world far and wide.
She walks away, hands clean. She knows it’s done.
He was supposed to be temporary anyways, just a little summer fun.
Gave him a free crash course on love and he still managed to lose one,
But she’s been through enough to know there will be a better someone.
He knew what he wanted to get, he got a lot more
So he can carry on knowing he got what he came for.
At least now he’s learned to leave faster so he doesn’t get bored
And the next girl’s emotions will be that much easier to ignore.
She refuses to let the cry inside of her get out, she shuts her eyes tight
Every time her heart sinks in… She hates this part of each night,
When she lays awake and wonders what she didn’t do right,
But she shakes it off because he fucked it up to such an elevated height.
He is gonna miss the way she Loved him so much,
The way her head lay in his hand in bed – he’ll miss her touch.
He’ll never understand that if he ever fell, she’d wanted to be his crutch.
No other girl will play with his hair like her, hold hands like her, such and such.
She doesn’t care. There’s billions of people in this world
Many who can do the same thing with their tongue to make her toes curl.
Her heart deserves a thousand times better from someone real – of that she’s assured,
But now and then, a song plays out and she knows to whom her mind refers.
He doesn’t see how happy she is without him around.
He’s turned a blind eye to her existence even though sometimes he swears he hears her in the background
But he hears songs as well every once in a while and his heart starts to pound
And deep inside himself he wishes he could remember how her voice used to sound.
She only crumbles inside when she remembers,
Like the time he pushed her against the wall and kissed her – wishes she could stay in that moment for just a little longer.
He won’t ever forget the hug she held him in so tight that night in November,
He doesn’t understand that she trusted his forevers but they turned to never.
They will never ever – even if they try – ever, ever be the same
Neither of them will ever forget every time they hear each other’s names.
No matter how it’s looked at, the way it is now is such a shame.
Heartache and heartbreak – in the end only Love is to blame.