There’s very little I expect from people. I’m one to give and not want a lot in return and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I like the person I am and for a lot of the qualities I possess but that does not mean you can turn on asshole mode whenever you so please because I prefer to be quiet then loud. Just because I prefer to let things slide then create a scenario about it doesn’t mean you can trample on me and disrespect me as you please. I hate people who think their above other people and I dislike people that choose to use their manipulative and controlling ways to let a situation sway their way when at that moment all I want to do is take their nut sack and twist it to it’s worthless existence. I hate people that cannot show me respect, I am not your fucking bitch stop treating me like one. God DAMN!

So that’s it. My teaching position in Taiwan ended today with one of my favorite classes. It’s a weird feeling knowing I probably won’t be infront of a classroom teaching and getting to know kids anytime soon. I won’t be correcting their English and making jokes with them when the Chinese teacher isn’t looking. I won’t be in Taiwan much longer.

I don’t regret any of it, it was one of the smartest decisions I’ve made to venture off and learn while teaching. My kids have made some of the greatest impressions in my life and they will forever own a piece of my heart, I just hope I’ve done that for them too. It’s been a great chapter to live in for a while and I am thankful I was given the opportunity and strength to surpass it and feel it for all it’s worth.

When I come back home I’m going to make a bigger effort to be nicer to my dad. Before I left, the level of respect I had for my dad was next to zero. Words of the past would come out of my mouth like shots of fire. I was rude, I was inconsiderate. I snooped down to his level of anger and that is something I am not proud of. The respect I have for my dad is still next to zero, he has hurt my family and torn the woman of my heart; my mother, apart, for that I will never forgive him. But I do have a little more respect for me. And I would like to think that someday when I make the biggest mistake of my life, even though it will never ever amount to the damage he’s done in the lives of many, someone out there will lend a hand and still love me. Everyone wants to know that not their not alone, nobody wants to do it on their own. I am not the judge of anyone’s actions, he is my dad. And although he might not be a nice person, he’s alone. And for anyone that has ever been alone, for anyone that has ever had nobody to come home to and nothing to look forward to with not a voice that calls their name in delight, they know what levels of insanity they can reach.

I want to lend a hand to my dad and let him know I still love him because even though he’s never really done the same for anyone maybe it’s because he’s never learned how; maybe it’s time we teach him that he’s not alone out there. He still has me.

I hate saying goodbye to my kids it puts me in a vulgar mood. I hate that part of growing up and moving forward. I hate that I won’t ever see these kids again. I hate that this is the first time of a thousand more times ahead where it feels like theres a basketball stuck in my throat and I don’t know whether to cry or simply swallow and just be. I hate the way goodbyes make me feel.